I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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