they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
