Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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