Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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