You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
