do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
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