Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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