I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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