Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Randomize
