well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
