just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
