it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
