Where did you get a picture of my penis
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
