It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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