the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
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