I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
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