You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
