i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
