She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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