my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
