So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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