and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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