His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
