:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
