I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
