One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
My balls are so social today.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
You left your phone here
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