Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
