brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
