Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
