And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
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I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
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I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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