I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
