I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
