What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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