it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
