He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
you're hired as official boob wrangler
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
