I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize