Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
