I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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