my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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