This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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