love makes seman taste better
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
