You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
