I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
