One girl and one boy is just not enough.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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