"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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