i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize