i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
he's gonorrhea incarnate
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Randomize
