everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
