I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
