I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
