now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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