You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Randomize
