there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
