So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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