If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
He did a backflip because drugs
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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