i'm signing you up for texting rehab
just tell him i said nine months
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
