Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
