i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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