I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
After last night, I could never be a politician.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
