The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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