Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
