If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
