Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
