Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
ok first of all what the fuck
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
