i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
