i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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