it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I am one with the molecules
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
