tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
