Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
