i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
