Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Randomize
