he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
