Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
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