i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Randomize
