I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
